Death Doula

What is a Death Doula?

There are some truths in life more difficult to see than others. And the fact of death is one of them. There are many reasons for this, including cultures that fear, deny and ignore the inevitability that just as we were born into this life, so too shall we part from it. The culture of denial is doing us no good.

The truth is, the time to prepare for death is now. Whether you are dealing with illness or looking forward to a long life before you, the work of living an authentic life is also the work of facing death. To feel your connection to the Divine in every moment. To clear the wounds blocking you from receiving the unconditional love which is always available. To peel back the layers of conditioning so the true self, in all its glory, can be revealed to you, in this lifetime.

As a death doula, I am here to guide you wherever you are on your journey, to heal what there is to heal. To work through grief and loss. To prepare for what comes at the end of life.

I offer individualized plans designed specifically for you and your family. This may include practical education with nutrition, herbs and supplements or a specific plan for end-of-life rights and requests. With spiritual guidance in an unconditionally loving space, I am here for you.

SERVICE OFFERINGS

Death Doula - End of Life Coaching for individuals and families (1 hour 30 minutes @ $200.00) - In-person or online services to guide the individual and their loved ones in the conscious dying process. This service can be used prior to the transition or after for those grieving.

Death Doula - End of Life Guidance - 4 sessions (1 hour 30 minutes @ $750.00)

Death Doula - Conscious Dying (1 hour 30 minutes @ $200.00) - Coaching for those who would like a deeper understanding of what conscious dying is? The importance of core wound healing, connecting to the divine, and how to create a conscious death. You will also explore rituals, end-of-life beliefs, desires, and connections

Death Doula - 30 minute general session (30 minutes @ $75.00) - An opportunity to discuss anything that is needed related to grief and loss.

Death Doula - 60 minute general session (1 hour @ $150.00) - An opportunity to discuss anything that is needed related to grief and loss.

Schedule a Session With Kaia

More Death Doula & Grief Information from the Blog:

Blog

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

Sing Your Death Song

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

Have you ever thought about what your death song would be? When I gave my father's eulogy a few years ago, I chose a verse from the bible by Timothy, which fit my father perfectly, and used the song "I did it my way" by Frank Sinatra. So many in the church commented to me afterward on how I had captured my father's essence. They were right, and I did from the space where I was that day.

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

Are you afraid of dying?

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

As I embarked on a deeper spiritual healing journey in 2012, guided by my teacher, Liana Shanti, most of what I knew needed to be released and purged. I began learning about the differences in being a helper (we can only help ourselves), the difference between healing and curing myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually and most essential for me, releasing my fears.

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

Death Doula, Grief & Loss

Peace my Heart by Rabindranath Tagore

Death Doula, Grief & Loss

Often, when I'm with clients and their families preparing for death, we discuss the importance of rituals and discuss each person's feelings at the moment. A client had shared with me 3 or 4 poems she had found on death that touched her. While each of them had meaning to her, I was struck that all of them discussed holding feelings back. A couple of them asked that you don't cry or be sad. Excuse me. Someone I care about is leaving their earthly body, and I'm not supposed to feel? That makes no sense. All of us are entitled to the feelings that show up. Some of them may be messy. That is okay.

Death Doula, Grief & Loss

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

Children Also Grieve - It's Just Different Than Adults

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

Children do not experience death, loss, or grieve in the same way adults do.

Phrases I hear from adults about their children who have lost someone are:

They don’t need to be involved

It’s better to keep them distracted

They do not need to learn about death

They do not understand

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

Grief Takes Time

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

I am often asked how long it takes for the pain of losing someone to go away? My answer is always the same. That is up to you. There are many types of grief. Today, I am talking about acute grief. In acute grief, we have to learn and accept the reality that someone we cared about is no longer here, and we need time to grasp the fact it takes time to grieve. Intellectually we know the person we loved is gone. Emotionally, it takes longer and depends on our comfort level of feeling our emotions and working through the layers of grief to internalize and understand.

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

The Layers of Grief are Deep

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

In my years of guiding myself and others through grief, one aspect I don't think the majority of us understand is how deep grief is. Many underestimate or want to fly through grief. That isn't a great idea.

Many of us are unaware of the grief layers and attribute them to anxiety, depression, or even an illness.

Our grief responses can be expressed in many different ways.

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

Secondary Losses in the Layers of Grief

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

One of the things I learned living through grief, studying grief, and finally feeling my way through grief is there are many layers we have to heal besides the loss of the person who died. During my studies in grief and loss, I learned the term secondary loss.

Secondary losses are all the different layers that are now gone with the loss of the person we loved. It can be the loss of the relationship, needing to sell a home because without the other person's finances, you cannot afford to live there, it could be leaving a school that was familiar to the child who's lost a parent, and so much more.

Grief & Loss, Death Doula

Death Doula, Grief & Loss

Grief is Unique to Each Person

Death Doula, Grief & Loss

Whether you are on a journey to better health, healing emotional wounds, or walking through grief, it is different for each of us, and we all need to take our own path.

A friend shared with me earlier today that she was still struggling with her boss's death from a few months ago. My friend has worked with this woman for over 25 years. Her boss was more of a friend than her employer, and the families were close. My friend was surprised at how deep her grief is and has difficulty adapting to her being gone.

Learning how to grieve healthfully and become comfortable living without someone we care about is not always easy. It takes time, and each of us will handle it differently depending on how much we cared about the person that died.

Death Doula, Grief & Loss

You Have a Right to Grieve

Death Doula, Grief & Loss

Through my years of processing my own grief and guiding others through theirs, an aspect that hasn't changed much is that most of society has numerous conditioned beliefs when expressing emotion.

How many of us were taught as children that girls "don't get angry," we were not supposed to raise our voices, or in many cases, express our voices in any way, and "boys don't cry." Emotions are just that. Often we are taught that certain feelings are good or bad. This is nonsense. Emotions are just words that need to be expressed. Anger, rage, grief, joy, sadness, love, frustration, and every other emotion you can think of needs to be emoted one way or another.

Death Doula, Grief & Loss

The Layers of Grief and Loss Go Deeper than Most of Us are Aware

Death Doula, Grief & Loss

A few years ago, when Liana Shanti, my teacher in all things connected to healing, living joyfully, and finding your purpose, mentioned that one of my gifts to share with the world would have something to do with death, grief, and loss, I wasn't surprised. It felt right. I just wasn't sure how it would evolve, where it would lead, and how this gift would emerge. I didn't jump on it. I sat with it, began asking more questions, integrating teachings, and understanding the need to be present with others via listening and hearing them.

Death Doula, Grief & Loss