Guilt & Shock in Divorce

In addition to the five stages of grief by Kubler-Ross, two other stages or emotions can also be a part of your grief. Guilt and shock are also common feelings many experiences. As we all experience loss differently, it isn’t a surprise. Actually, from my experience, there are many more emotions/stages we go through that are not addressed.

Guilt may come in as you begin to think about the hopes and dreams that are no longer a reality. Guilt can also come in when looking at what you begin to feel you didn’t do or could have done differently. Guilt is a useless emotion. The reality was in the moments when you chose what you did, that is what you knew. We cannot change what has happened. We can only go forward.

Shock can happen at any time in the grief process. Once we decide or are told that a divorce is coming, many will feel shock no matter which of our partners. Most couples do not get married, thinking divorce is coming. Sometimes the shock comes from cheating, financial issues, addiction issues, or other secrets that emerge. As we allow our emotions to rise to the surface and feel them, the shock will lessen, and we most likely will move into another stage of grief.

The important thing is to honor all the feelings that arise and let our bodies feel all we need to without stuffing anything back down again. In feeling, we can process the grief and let it go. That is when the healing begins.