Friendship, Sacral Authority and a Hurricane

Awakening this morning, I found myself filled with so many emotions.  In my life, I have weathered, tornadoes, blizzards, deaths, numerous other types of losses, and more amazing life experiences than I can even begin to name.  But a Hurricane and then to have it be one of the largest ever, NO, I had no experience with that, and yet as the week went on, I realized, with guidance from my friend, mentor and teacher, Liana, I really had all I needed, deep inside of me and that power when utilized correctly will never stir me wrong.

Funny, I knew this.  I have been studying and living my human design chart since she introduced me to it nearly three years ago.  I have witnessed so many wonderful changes in my life as I understand my strategy and authority, all the traits of being a generator, my profile, gates, channels, and so much more.  I also know, as I was taught and with what I share in doing readings for others, the deconditioning process—that letting go of all the old ways you have done things, may not automatically change with the information, sometimes, you have to walk through the muck to see the light.  Yup…I was in the muck.

As early as last Monday once the chatter began about Hurricane Irma, I did sit and tap into my gut, my sacral authority and began asking questions about staying or leaving.  I was open to anything as there is nothing I have in material form that I am attached to.  My only responsibility is to myself and my dog, Remi.  As I rapidly asked myself questions, I had the answer, and it was to stay put as the storm was going to be all over the place, but would miss me. 

Later, Monday, I had a conversation with Liana and heard the same message from her.  On Tuesday as we were on the phone, she said, you will be fine.  I etched her words into my heart and felt such peace. 

Now, here is where things get interesting.  I normally do not watch tv or pay any attention to the news, weather, etc.  I have taken myself out of the fray of the media world that is fueling so much fear, anxiety and confusion.  I chose instead to put my energy on seeing the world, calm, peaceful, full of love as I am aware our thoughts become action.  Somewhere, I slowly got dragged back in to the mayhem, early Wednesday.  I found myself clicking on this link or that, hearing concerns of family and friends and beginning to become unsettled. 

For any of you who know me, you are aware of how deep my friendship with Liana goes.  As I expressed she listened, brought attention to my language (fears, negativity, old patterning) and I would take it to heart, reframe, settle back into my sacral energy and know that I was fine. Deep in me I knew I was going to be fine, yet something would get triggered and I was drawn in, again.  I found myself looking at this model or that and began to make preparations, some that yes, were needed to stay as purchasing food and gas were disappearing quickly.  Other aspects I attended to were fueled by others and I freely take ownership of that.  Each day, Liana and I would talk and each day I would be back in my calm space and then a trigger or a weak boundary would enter my world.  For any of you who listen to Liana’s weekly Illuminations messages (http://www.lianashanti.com/illuminations/), you were privy to what transpired.  While I could go on and on, suffice it to say, I stepped out of the craziness, settled into my choice of staying, and set a boundary of only looking at one local station, online that was calm and direct 3x a day, from Thursday to Saturday.

I also incorporated a lot of time to writing my feelings, what was being triggered, old messages on safety and security, loneliness, fear and trust.  The trust in the divine, the trust in myself that I know I always have and the power inside of me to know what is right for me if I ask my gut and get the hell out of my head.  Our heads/minds are not made for decision making.  I know this, and yet, that old programming came back so quick all fueled by the fear all around me, that I let seep in.  As I surrendered to the process of feeling, a calmness came over me.  I was filled with such peace.  I could now look at the storm as a powerful message, one that was reminding me, to just be in the present moment, to live life fully second by second.  To be secure in my decisions.  To remind myself that with my undefined G/mind Center in my human design chart, that I can go in circles (which I did) and that when that happens that I need to turn to a trusted person with a defined G/mind Center- which Liana has.  Her ability to see, ask me questions, bring me back to reality when I want to veer off the chart is one I treasure in our friendship.  Her insight, her love, her reminding me that I knew all along what to do, aided me in getting through. 

As the eye of the storm began to look like it would be right on top of me at one point yesterday, I never panicked.  I sat down, took some deep breaths, and saw me and Remi being fine and we were.  The eye continued to move west and we were pounded with rain and wind.  The only disturbance from the storm was a very anxious dog and once we went into the closet and shut all the interior doors, the noise subsided and he slept. 

I have been asked about experiencing all 3 storms and how I would rank them. I wouldn’t.  Each tornado, one at age 16 and another 26 taught me many things that have guided my life.  I have been through numerous snow storms/blizzards, and each of those gave me many lessons that were so needed in my life.  This storm did the same and because of where I am on my life path is the most profound.

This storm was massive and the damage done is intense.  It was fueled with many energies, including a lot of fear and it was filled with an ability to bring change for any of us who can reflect on that.  This morning I did just that.  I uncovered aspects of my life that needed looking at, things that needed to come to the light to be looked at, integrated, then released to flow out into the universe with the storm. I became fully aware that I can take care of myself in any situation and while I had a couple neighbors and many of you checking in, ultimately, it was me.  I found myself feeling deeper/closer to the divine and in doing so found peace.  Boundaries were set and I didn’t waiver even when I know others struggled with my choices, but at the end of the day, they are my choices.

My home is back to pre-hurricane status, I have surrendered a lot.  I brought aspects of my shadow to the light, to look at, learn from and release.  I let a lot of myself go and today am taking it easy, honoring a need for self-care and being grateful for amazing friendships, healthier boundaries with family and friends, and a deeper connection to the divine and myself.

Now to take a nap as this generator knows when enough is enough.